


Dry Your Eyes

by CatKing_Catkin



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Humor, But he's a jerk, Crying, Developing Friendships, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Heartbreak, POV Lavellan, So does Solas, Solas Spoilers, Spoilers, Vivienne Secretly Cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 08:12:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4821752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatKing_Catkin/pseuds/CatKing_Catkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alette Lavellan is slowly, painfully coming to accept the fact that it's over between her and Solas, and she'll never know why. Somehow, his damnably implacable calm about the entire affair has made her heartbreak seem all the more overwhelming. At last, after everything, even she can't put on a brave face any longer.</p><p>To Alette's surprise, it's Vivienne who finds her in the midst of her misery. To Alette's slightly less surprised, the mage has some words of wisdom to see her through this storm, and emerge from the other side with her head held high.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dry Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I pretty much never post anything about my own protagonist in games like these, because I assume that no one is going to be interested in my interpretation. But this fic just kind of sprung itself on me - just by coincidence, I happened to be making the rounds of talking to companions before the final battle, and Vivienne was the one I talked to next after talking to Solas for the last time. I figured that she wouldn't be able to help but notice that my Inquisitor was kind of a wreck, and since they were on good terms, I wondered what she might do about it.
> 
> I hope I wrote enough to be interesting.

“It's a truly vicious cycle, is it not?”

Alette flinched violently at the sound of a voice from within her chambers. She whirled around, away from the vast mountain view stretching out before her, and towards the open balcony doorway. It was with a jolt that she realized that Vivienne, of all people, was standing there, hand resting on the door-frame, head slightly tilted, gaze inscrutable.

While Vivienne was normally quite a pleasant sight, there were also few people Alette wanted _less_ to be seen by, in the middle of a moment like... _this_. She could still feel tears on her cheeks, could barely breathe without hiccuping or sniffling. She was in tears, there was no denying or ignoring that, all she'd wanted was a moment to just break down and _mourn_ and _rage_.

But she was the Inquisitor. Of all the luxuries she was afforded, that was so rarely one of them.

Alette did her best, anyway – drawing herself up a little straighter, taking a shuddering breath, and trying her best to look the taller woman in the eye. “Vivienne. I...I'm sorry, I...” She meant to ask  _what was it you needed_ , but the words already spoken caught up with her, and somehow Alette only managed a helpless: “...what?”

She resisted the urge to flinch as Vivienne strode nearer, but in the light from the balcony, she realized that the mage was actually smiling faintly, and not unkindly.

“My apologies, my dear,” she said. “Though you _did_ leave your chamber doors open, I suppose you can hardly be blamed for that. I only meant to say that...trying to hide one's emotions. A truly vicious, and often fruitless cycle.”

Alette felt an incredulous little laugh bubbling up in her chest that she indeed failed to suppress entirely. Though in the end, it was more preferable to the feelings that  _had_ been tearing through her, since her last talk with Solas. “Are you  _joking?_ I've never met anyone better at it!”

“A common misconception, I'm afraid. No, Inquisitor, in fact I never _hide_ my emotions. In my experience, that is like trying to build a dam against an ever-rising tide. The water will finds its way through even the smallest cracks.”

Alette thought nothing of it, when Vivienne reached out to fussily adjust the hang of her coat. This was such a normal part of their interaction these days that she grew concerned whenever Vivienne  _didn't_ adjust Alette's appearance in the middle of a conversation. She didn't mind – it clearly made Vivienne feel better, and the unspoken affection inherent in the gesture was still plain enough to the elf's eyes.

She merely listened, with an attentiveness that soon came to border on hunger, as Vivienne carried on. “So instead, the more  _productive_ avenue is to channel your emotions. You have seen me in my element, Inquisitor. When I am displeased with someone, do I ever leave them in any doubt of it?”

This time, the laughter felt more sincere. It was almost a giggle, at the memory. “Not that I've ever seen.”

“Precisely,” Vivienne replied, without missing a beat, even as she tucked a stray tangle of hair behind one of Alette's large ears. “I merely take the time and energy to express my anger more delicately – a raise of an eyebrow, a smile.” She demonstrated both, enough that Alette shivered. “And yet people _expect_ anger to be expressed in some grand display. They even hope for it. To do otherwise is as good as a knife between the ribs, something I have seen that you certainly understand quite well. It leaves them unsteady, unbalanced. And to strike such a blow against those who have wronged you is a reward in its own right. Even when they should happen to still be, unfortunately, necessary to the Inquisition.”

There was no point in asking Vivienne how she knew just who and what had reduced Alette to a sobbing wreck at long last. At this point, there couldn't have been anyone in the Inner Circle who didn't know. You only had to take one look at Solas' face, and only a glance at Alette's, to realize that something had changed. Something had broken. 

It didn't help that she might have started shouting at the end, there in the room of murals.

“ _I don't know why I even bothered talking to you!”_

And Solas had been so damnably, wretchedly  _calm_ .  _“Because you are hurt. Because you deserved better.”_ If he could say the words so plainly and honestly, why couldn't he have  _done_ anything? She didn't understand and now, just when she needed him most, he wasn't willing to  _talk_ to her, to  _explain_ ...

“Come now. Dry your eyes.”

Vivienne was offering a handkerchief. Feeling like she was trapped within a stranger's body, Alette took it and dabbed it obediently at her eyes. She only winced a little when Vivienne pinched her cheeks between two sharp nails, before smoothing back her hair from her newly-bare face.

“Look at me.”

She could more easily have taken on a dragon singlehandedly than disobeyed. Alette looked up, into Vivenne's dark, sharp eyes. She felt the mage's hands close on her shoulders, long fingers squeezing gently.

“You are the Inquisitor,” Vivienne said, her voice low but intense. “You are _Alette Lavellan_ , who has drawn all of Thedas to her banner. You are not _his_ to discard. You are your own to take away.”

She spoke the words with such intensity that they might as well have been a hot spark up Lavellan's spine. She certainly felt herself standing up a little straighter, hands balling into fists at her sides. There was something like a fire burning in Vivienne's eyes, and Alette felt the battered and smoldering embers in her own heart start to spark back to life.

She got the impression that this meant more to Vivienne than helping out an ally. Maybe it even meant more than helping out a friend. She wanted to ask why, and wondered if she would even need to. Cole couldn't see too far into her thoughts, but occasionally, he still started talking in the presence of others in the group.  _ Gown tight between my fingers, cold all over. Unacceptable. Wheels turn, strings pull... _

How often had Vivienne had her heart broken before finding Bastien? Or else, how often had she had to face cruel rejection and rebuff, before clawing her way up to where none of it mattered anymore?

Alette wasn't even entirely certain she could count that high. She'd always thought that Vivienne's secret had been to stop feeling.

Apparently, it had been just the opposite.

And that was heartening to realize. Alette knew that she couldn't shut off her heart, not when it was bleeding and twisting and  _ hurting _ so acutely in her chest. But pain didn't just have to hamstring a person – it  _ could _ drive them on. How often had she learned that, and made use of that, over the course of this long and winding road?

This was just another sort of pain. This was just another wound to be conquered.

It might feel like the end of the world, but so many things had.

“I am Alette Lavellan,” she repeated, dutifully and with a shade more conviction in her voice. “I am the Inquisitor. I am my own, and no one's to cast aside.”

Vivienne patted her cheek approvingly, before straightening up. “Precisely. And if you should happen to find some reason to smile when Solas discovers what Sera has left in his pack later on, well, then so much the better.”

She did, as it happened, and didn't even let herself feel a little bit bad about doing so. Sera had actually outdone herself, really. Alette couldn't help but wonder if she'd gotten some advice, too. 

 


End file.
